How Connections Strengthen Trust

While sitting in a restaurant waiting for her order, speaker Colette Carlson noticed a server struggling to carry a large load of dishes. The server lost her grip and the dishes crashed to the floor.

A man, apparently the manager, rushed in. “He could have come out and shouted and blamed her,” Carlson noted. But he didn’t. The man commiserated with the server, telling her “Welcome to the club” of tray droppers, and helped clean up.

“We can learn a lot about a connected leader in unexpected places. Haven’t we all dropped the tray?” Carlson said during her opening keynote, The Connected Leader, at the virtual CAMEX22. “Her supervisor took a crazy, stressful moment and infused it with connection and compassion.”

In that brief moment, the manager not only built trust with the server, but with all the other employees who saw the incident or heard about it later.

“Your success is in direct proportion to your ability to connect,” Carlson said. Surveys show, she noted, that most workers say their relationship with their supervisor is the most important aspect to their job satisfaction. And ultimately, satisfied employees will deliver their best performance and remain longer.

“As leaders, you need to be continually looking for ways to build that team engagement,” she said. She offered two strategies for getting there.

Awaken your awareness.

Awareness is “the foundation on which everything else is built,” Carlson said. Yet most people have blind spots or fail to pay attention to what’s going on around them in the workplace.

Connected leaders, on the other hand, take steps to open up two-way channels of communication. That means providing clear expectations and setting up systems of accountability for employees while also inviting them to furnish feedback and ideas—and actually listening to them.

“Your goal as a leader is to always be creating an environment of psychological safety,” Carlson said. Make it easier for your reports to share their thinking, ask them thoughtful follow-up questions, find out how they prefer to receive communications about work, and use inclusive language.

Be in authentic alignment.

“When you do what you say, you create trust,” Carlson pointed out. Connected leaders also develop trust when they communicate honestly to employees, and sometimes that might involve talking to them about a difficult topic or situation.

“You need to get comfortable with it,” she said, referring to potential conflict. Stick to the facts (rather than giving your opinion), be succinct but not abrupt, don’t blindside your staff, and choose an appropriate tone.

Talk with people in person if possible. “Never let your mouse do the talking when you need to have a real conversation,” she stressed, adding, “Our goal is to get people to change behavior without shutting down.”

On the flip side, alignment also calls for acknowledging when things go right. “Be a human highlighter” to show appreciation for specific tasks well done, Carlson said.

When an employee comes to you with a complaint or problem, don’t assume they want you to solve it. “Ask them, ‘Do you just want an ear, or my advice?’” Carlson suggested. At the same time, make sure they know it’s OK to ask for help.

“If you’re a connected leader, you’re modeling behavior for those behind you,” she said. “If you can’t ask for help, how can they?”

Carlson has more insights for connected leaders on her website, along with her advice column and information on other management topics.